haha GUESS WHAT I MET PAMELA! i.e. the vj YA cum canoeist whom i met through shuaige and simin the other time! super super cool, we can switch btw discussing guides/canoe at hyperspeed! it's just amazing how much stuff there is in common (:
took bus with simin today and we were discussing how everyone's been very moodswingy this week ): it hasnt been especially bad for me, mainly cos i was rather happy at 1) being able to do PE 2) being able to train 3) being able to wear my earrings (sharon put them in for me this morning!! MY EARHOLES HAVNT CLOSED YAYYY) 4) tonight's meeting. but i guess, training and schoolwork can be rather depressing at times...for everyone. ride out the storm yea? haha everytime i'm emo i just go find spastic people to make me laugh. then i'll feel alot better. (:
okies squirrel needs to go bathe + sleep now. goodnight!
yesterday = much much fun catching up with shuling :D
taken during O lvls mugging period! i'll never forget how we went to the library daily for that terrible one week just to escalate results for prelims, though it was worth every bit (: take care friend! and come over to hc from nj more, i've missed you loads <3
hahaha okay i'm joking, i know it was a typo! i'll be good and listen to you! and be honoured jiahui, i dont listen to just anybody k! hahaha WE BOTH HAVE HIGHHHH STANDARDS :D
hello. the doctor's finally told me what went wrong on thursday. and the results just make me want to...
i feel so...i just want to bash my head out and scream everything out here. there's no words to describe this kind of frustration, it's a kind of suffocating veil that just tries to squeeze the life out of you and leave your words dying halfway out.
the closest i've ever come to experiencing this...d'you remember that night hildy? when i was being the group i/c for north division campfire and you were the CL in charge, and the whole perfect night was drawing to a close after we'd sang and danced out hearts out, and suddenly the campfire souveneir in my hands crumbled up and the attached test tube shattered to the ground.
ten years down the road, i'll still remember the pain i felt that night. after training so hard for countless weeks, being denied our performance just cos the guiders screwed up the logistics. having to console the whole group while trying not to cry, and thinking that at least we could proudly display our souveneir, when suddenly our souveneir broke for no good reason at all. you could say the glue didnt hold. you could say, truthfully, that many other schools had their souveneirs broken that night too, for no good reason at all. but the only thing i remember that night was the accusing stares of the juniors when they demanded silently why there wasnt a Best Item, why we didnt have a chance to showcase our dance, why our souveneir lay in pieces.
it's that same feeling i feel now, of being accused and condemned, of not knowing what went wrong, of feeling freaking hurt and ashamed, of wanting to say 'it wasnt my fault' but knowing nobody's going to believe it.
yesterday's experience was the scariest i've ever had in my life...that feeling of extreme helplessness was just pure terrifying. and most of all,i really want to thank my teammates for all their concern. all the things that you people went through for me seriously touched my heart a lot.... i dont think i've ever felt so loved in my whole life (': xinhui loves you guys very very very much!
and i'd go through everything again, just to feel the warmth. <3
lalala. i miss you guys and i want a patrol outing soon! and i totally agree to bringing all you people out on a banana boat outing. not.
hahahaha. sorry dears but i'm not being responsible for any (extremely-likely-to-happen) misshap! yes yes, i'm all grown up and being a lousy spoilsport. (:
it was...over too fast. haoxia commented tht he expected alot higher of us...its really saddening tht we disappointed him, but in a way, it heartens me to think tht he actually expected us to do good. next time, we'll pia even more (: my arm's...better. mr sinseh says the muscle(s) is/are torn and the nerves injured, hahaha i've no idea how it occured (though i think it was my last T1 session when i burst all the way) but yep it's healing fast.
in the end, it wasn't my race performance that upset me the most. something so minute, something so childish, but yet something that cuts so deep.
when the chick is matured the eagle must fly, the eyerie's no more, thy domain's the sky; thru' storm and wry weather, each feather, take root, for thru' flame erupts glory, and passion, to boot.
hawa just told me i've gotten into national camp! (: okay that's real cool though i don't know who i'm working with yet. hope it'll be a blast.
blocks results are all back and i got symmetrical results again. ADSDA. woohoo i hope my mom doesnt blow her top.
oh and MAXI'S ALL RECOVERED NOW :D haha i dont know how to express how happy i am! thanks so much to all the people who've been praying for him. gaomin, sharon, zhengshan. THANKS ALOT ALOT ALOT (:
pics from the day we celebrated chejian's (very) belated bdae (:
fengchi! (: say hi to mr Profatsor hahaha.
chejian!
big guy and his even bigger shirt
um i dotn know what the guys are doing. actuallyi dont think i want to know hahah
once again, we picked the lock on the handicapped toilet. yes and camwhored in the mirror, total unglam >.<
today was spent discussing boat tech with tragic and monkeygod, hahaha they've been really comforting and encouraging:
'200m, whoa, sure kena backwash like siao'
'K2?! very unstable one you know'
yes yes. oh well i'm still not that scared now, maybe i'll start getting the jitters closer to the actual date. for now it's just discuss evaluate execute. go partner.
its been such a long time since we last trained, i feel really nua and flabby now! tried to do cycling crunch just now and couldnt make it past five, rah i'm screwed! oh well monday's always been pullup day for shar and me, we'll go spam during our one hr break (:
doing K2's a really cool experience, being backman's a really fun job! haha i'm so thankful that simin's my frontman, she can actually make the boat go in one straight line! >.< yesterday's capping was rather funnaye til my leg cramped and my head kept gg underwater again. argh..it was really more annoying than scary, esp since gao and beni were on hand (they can empty kboat using daq boat method! how cool is that :D ), but i wish i could float a lot better ): <
anyway today's bursting was a lot better (: three people on water = max attention from haoxia, jiahui, simin and i were all tuckered out when training finished. but, its the nice kind of i'm-all-worked-out feeling. (:
okay on a more serious note. today's been a really bad day due to alot of intangible stuff...but i've thought things through so i guess my mind's kinda clearer now. there's still a lot that i dont understand, but there's one thing i do know, and that's that i dont want to repeat the same old mistakes i made in guides. ever. all the cliques, the inferiority complex, the tangled up friendships, its stuff that i want to leave in the past, learn from, and move on. so from now on...i just hope things are gonna get better and i'll stop worrying so much.
hilda and fangting, thanks so much for bolstering me through today. though you guys wont ever truly understand what we go through, but just by those messages that show me you do care...it's helped me more than i could ever say.
/edit
oh oh wait look what jc just sent!!! ((:
look at the ball! :DD CANOE POLO <3
tsk. gao trying to yi1 jiao3 da1 liang3 chuan2 with sharon and pucca. literally (:
it says on the web that some canoeist found these two floating around out to sea! SUPER CUTE <333
Oh man imagine if i found something like these floating around macritchie one day! hahaha i'd probably capsize or something trying to rescue them, they look SO SWEET. (:
went back to visit the sn guides w twin before pre-comp dinner! (:
y'know, i'm really...annoyed by how the four ahems treat the seniors. they've been overriding hilda and i since day 1 and it's steaily getting worse, to the extent that they wont even let us check uniform or correct formation anymore. ):< in a way, it makes me happy that council's going to be a youth-only thing, if it means avoiding such problems. but then again, i'm still scared that we wont be able to pull off all the changes we want. we can talk and make hype over how 36 exco reps are gonna change the image of UG, but when it really boils down, will we actually have the strength to see everything through?
and. i don't know whether to go for national camp! i want to go, and hildy's gonna say we have a responsibility, but...rah, couple that with nationals, and i'll be missing two whole weeks of school. i don't know, in spite of all the new responibilities we have now, i feel like we're being cut off and left out of all the old guiding activities we were involved in. and that somehow, all our guiding friends from hq and int camp are drifting away and leaving us behind.
hello! our first week of wrestling with kboat is officially over (: haha i think we can (kinda) safely make it to 500m mark and back, and rescue teammates, without capping much anymore :D yay! our canoe encouragement board is imba! its so flooded with well wishes after just a couple of days, so work hard everyone! <3 color="#000000"> oh yes and i found the retarded agreement that sharon and i signed AGES ago. it says:
'due to failure to refer to xinhui as squirrel for the delegated time of 24 hrs, I, sharon lee zhao mei, promise to paddle xinhui in a T2 for 6km, with only myself doing the rowing'. hahaha that was so long ago! from that long-forgotten era when i was still in oac, and sharon was still trying to get me to join canoe. did i even know what a T2 was back then? needless to say she hasnt fulfilled her promise. yet. (:
it seems...surreal, that we've come this far, and reality is gonna crash down in just a few more days. i wont ever forget the first time i stepped into a T1, all the milestones we've achieved, that seem so insignificant but mean so much to us--learning how to get into the boat on our own, blade in and kick and twist and pull, learning to go straight, our first stormy water experience, learning to rescue, progressing to k1, bursting.and it's the last part i like the most, when you're totally focused on that straight expanse of water ahead of you and feeling the rush of wind and water and going all out. <3
okay first i need to say sorry to all my friends and esp my teammates for having to put up with me moping so long over my shoebag yesterday ): thanks for cheering me up though! and whoever took it, maybe it's just a funny prank to you but my shoebag means the world to me okay? so please please please return it. ):
i met jess at the mac bus stop today! :D cool she's in judo, angie's in dance and tennis (big surprise haha), yongzhen's in dance and xinyun+hilary are in i-dunno-what-cos-i-didnt-ask. suddenly, i miss my sec four clique a lot. ): although...we had alot of disagreements and blowing of tempers towards the end of the year, which resulted in me leaving them, i think deep down we never stopped missing each other. we were the geek clique, the always-study-but-loser-in-all-other-aspects clique, but at times i think we were the only breath of sanity and coolheadedness in that B&B class. and although i do love hwachong alot and i wont ramble like the Olvl clique abt its cons, sometimes it is hard not to feel left out in a school full of ip people. it isnt that our friends choose to leave us out or anything, sometimes it just...happens. and it hurts even more to think the six of us were one crowd once, but now half of them are in cjc without me.
okay enough talk. i'm scooting off to water my orchids now (:
big guy and his even bigger shirt
tsk. gao trying to yi1 jiao3 da1 liang3 chuan2 with sharon and pucca. literally (:
