does it feel worse when people try to include you though you know it's a halfhearted attempt on their part, or is it worse when they don't even bother to try?
does it hurt more when people send a bunch of empty messages saying they miss you when you know better, or does it hurt more when you reach out for help and your sms isn't answered?
honestly? i think it's the former. doesnt disguised neglection sting far more than outright rejection?
someone did something nice for me today. haha, i just dont understand why you guys have to act all tough and macho etc when you're really very sweet deep down...but thanks anw (:
i love talking to sally. she always says stuff that makes me really happy without even intending to...thank you for reminding me just how blessed i am (:
tomorrow is graduation day! sharon's just gone over to michelle's house to get a formal blouse and court shoes for me...thanks twin! haha, i really love the way she knows all my church mates and i know hers too without even meeting each others'. i think fellowship with our cg mates is what we discuss about 90% of our time in sch anw?sometimes i'm amazed that emily and zhengshan dont get bored listening to us.
and sharon ah your cg is the most scandalous thing since...HAHAHA.
heh but anw, i just wanted to say i've enjoyed my time in hwachong immensely. coming to this school was the best choice i've ever made and i will never regret it...to all the people who think hwach is a dead mugger school, you guys are incredibly wrong. there is no other jc where class benches exist, where students play guitars, harmonicas and whatnot in the class wings and where if you are active, almost everyone knows one another. no other school that has 2 canteens, 1 cafe, 1 welfare room and 1 restaurant to dine at. and that's not including the high class gym, cardio room, weights room, squash courts, tennis courts, swimming pool, research labs...etc. but it's not the facilities but the people who make us who we are.
i will miss the feeling of immense school pride that washes over me each time i put on my uniform, hc shirts or windbreaker...i will miss singing the school song.
As part of our glorious land, sharing her spreading fame,
Hwa Chong will firmly stand, always to maintain her name.
Multi-racial we study together, for knowledge we wish to attain.
Many races we shall gather, each day to achieve its aim.
We shall strive with verve, for health in body and mind.
We'll learn to lead and yet to serve in character ruggedly fine.
May Hwa Chong shine forever, her name big and strong,
One and all, let's stand by her, that she may live on and on.
this is what jeff did to me!
hahaha kidding la, not so extreme. but it was super super fun, i wanna play again after As! seriously, muay thai feels like chicken feet after getting thrashed by jeff. i think i''d be better in aikido anw cos aikido uses your opponent's strength against him, and honestly i need that cos my own strength is nonexistent haha!
oh...and wangliang has come up with an innovative way to wish me luck for exams without stressing me out. he says, 'xinhui! jiayou' and draws a line in the air. get it? jiayou for your s-------. haha! i need to get over my phobia! whoo.
one last thing, anyone who can lend me court shoes, pls msg me! ): i need for graduation! else i'll be the only girl wearing blazer shirt tie skirt and um sport shoes. okay i have very very very bad memories of the last time i wore court shoes...cos im a girl who cannot even walk in pumps and i stupidly borrowed fr beni, who is the kind that can run in two inch heels. imagine what her court shoes were like. so it involved me wearing a very nice formal uniformed group's attire and walking barefoot in the istana cos the damn shoes are so PAINFUL. there's sth about the istana that cant get along with my shoes. the first time, i painted my canvas shoes white cos my Guider kept complaining they were dirty. but um i kinda used watercolor paint and it rained that day so...gosh. imagine leaving a white trail wherever you walk. hilda and i were like, 'if mr nathan sees this...haha!' guides' reputation will be forever destroed. and yea the second time, the guard made us walk all the way round the istana and i was hobbling like crazy so in the end i just walked barefoot. so glam right? (:
arghhhhhhh this is really the scariest prom i've ever been to.
why oh why oh why did i get myself into this mess. the more i think about it the more screwed up i feel.
你当得起朋友吗？):
after As, we have exactly 28 days to produce a miracle (:
yesterday daniel and i were talking about receiving visions during QT and God gave me a cool one yesterday: I was getting quite pissed off cos i couldn't rmb where i'd stashed my bdae angpao fr my mum (for those who don't know, my room is like a treasure trove cos i stash my savings in diff places to stop my bro finding it. but erm sometimes i also forget where i hide stuff haha). anw, after getting incredibly annoyed, i remembered how God sent visions to mark all 4 times that he lost his wallet so he could find it, and i decided to do QT first and ask God for a hint at the same time. i was reading the book of Job when i saw Job 5:24-'You will know that your tent is secure;you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing.' cool right! i got so excited i jumped stright up and started turning my room upside down again, then finally He told me to look under my bed and tada there it was! but that's not the cool part! the cool part is, in searching for that angpao, i found another hundred dollars that i'd stashed away like a year ago and totally forgoten about! hahaha! see, this proves what pastor said about how nothing bad can happen to us unless God allows it, and bad stuff always happens for a reason. if i wasn't searching for the first angpao, i'd never have found the second one! (:
and lastly...emily and i were discussing post-A options. i still feel very very very sad about not becoming a vet...but honestly i dont see any viable way of pursuing that option. everyone's been telling me it'd be very wasted if i don't follow that course but 1) i'd need a super scholarship 2) my mom wont want me to go overseas 3) i dont wanna go overseas at this point either! the one way out would be to go poly and take up a vet tech course, but then again i'd have gone straught after Os if i wanted to. furthermore, i dont want to be a vet tech, i wanna be a VET, and if i use my vet tech course to apply for vet course afterwards it's gonna mean 9 more years of studying after As before finding work ): ARGH. no thanks. i think i'll just study hard for now and see what comes my way (:
my dad finally finished upgrading the internet! (:
haha anw thanks for celebrating my bdae ppl (: esp my prayer group and cell group hahaha. thanks to sharon and zhengshan's shameless exploiting i now have a fluffy pink hoodie with tweety bird in front, and lisa's banning of my team bag means i'm now carrying a tote bag from E449 haha! okay actually i realised jinyi was right and i really liked these items once i started using them (: esp my bag cos i don't get scolded for banging into people anymore haha! thank you thank you (:
oh, and did i mention that i suck at cutting birthday cakes. sharon wanted to kill me cos i spent forever trying to measure it into precise pieces. and after i stuck the knife in, i forgot about it and left it embedded in the cake while i went off elsewhere ><
cell =D
and my favorite spastic moment of the day was...
wanli took one look at her shirt and went, 'SO SMALL' just as i went 'SO BIG' hahahah i think we died laughing...but nvm i still managed to make mine fit by scrunching up the sleeves! (:
yesterday i promised mr nah something out of my wildest imaginations and i was blown over by his response. he is the freaking nicest teacher i've ever met....it would be worth studying for bio just to pay off his efforts.
that aside, cg celebrations for lisa had me worrying the whole day cos i honestly didnt expect to reach so early. but hey i'm in the birthday ministry too and it just isn't fair if i don't pull my own weight...it's not like the others don't have exams either. anyway i think the best part ever was dashing in the fountain with cal and getting piggyback-ed by wanli; sorry i'm a sucker for water and stuff like that (:
here's an exerpt fr a very funny convo i had w george after he got traumatised by return of maths papers:
me: don't worry so much! i'm going home to sleep now
george: huh! you still have mood to sleep?
me: then on tuesday i'm going shopping for stuff with sharon!
george: wth?!
me:and on wed, im going for cg celebration!
george: you're crazy
me:and then going for cg on fri!
george:....
me:and then going church on sunday!
-long pause-
george: but xinhui, are you planning on going university at all?
HAHAHAHAHA.
jinchuan just talked to me about freelancing as a kayak coach after As (: oh man it's so tempting! it'd totally solve the problem of me wanting to continue canoeing but not wanting to join a competitive team. gotta solve the problem of swimming first though haha. and also...although i know my hand has been divinely healed...i havn't actually had the chance to test myself on water yet. there's just this tiny fear that once i start sprints, i may injure my hand again, even more badly then before ):
haha oh and i wanted to say that today was very amusing! although my self-esteem is now like totally nonexistent hahahahaha:
-lisa keeps wanting me to change my bag despite my violent protests ( i really. really. really. DONT WANT TO CHANGE ): )
-everyone complains its too big. (but it's meant to be that way ): )
-mark gave me ten thousand reasons why matching a sports bag to going-out clothes equals major fashion disaster (trust me to be so noob that a guy has to give me fashion advice)
-alvin told me my jeans are shapeless (but since it's alvin, haha dont need to care about meeting his skyhigh standards la) and started picking on my poor sneakers
-calista and mark both gave me a....hahaha extremely amusing *look* when i admitted i chickened out
BUT.
my mom gave me a metro voucher today! :D :D :D hahaha so watch out friends, i'm gonna grab someone to go shop with me next week! (:
(stares hard at shuling ^^)
thursday nighttt. long long talkathon with twin (i mean, after meeting evaluation and everything, which doesnt count haha). we were both really happy cos someone made our day by telling me she thinks sharon and i are much much closer than two other supposedly close people. to which twin and i both responded, 'well that's cos our friendship is built on God!' =D
okay, back to the point. we were talking about people not treasuring their friendships and she said she felt like she took a church friend of hers for granted. like how people get so comfortable with each other that they stop keeping track of how their actions might impact one another. i think for me, what i get seriously pissed off at is when people take their tempers out on me. actually, i'm quite used to it already cos outta my three best friends, two of them have this problem. but that still doesn't mean i like it when people throw tantrums at me...it's actually one of the things i hate and despise the most. let's say your friend has a very dry sense of humor and you're usually very amused at her sacarsm. but one day when you're in a bad mood, her dry witticism just ticks you off and you spin around and lash out at her. exactly how is your friend supposed to feel? would she even feel that she is the one at fault? alright, so there're people in this world who don't like dry humor. but the point is, you've been accepting of it all along so what gives you the right to suddenly flare up just cos you aren't feeling too great? it's like what people say: if girls choose to dress in a very revealing way, then they lose the right to complain when guys...um...stare.
blah. sorry for being so angsty. this issue's been bothering me for quite long and today i felt that i really had to let off some steam.
ministry was...exhausting. enriching, but exhausting all the same.
i will stand strong. but that's not saying i wasn't shaken. after the whole week's worth of tumultaneous events. with people breaking down left right centre.
then. going home on the bus with my friend. he told me that their gang of ten guys stayed in school for lunch instead of going out, just so he could come for the meeting in time and support us. he had no idea what was going on, yknow? no inkling who were the people joining in. and we were so busy beforehand, i didn't have the time to prep him...but still, he came.
which made me realise. as long as there're people who have faith in us, who may not know what we're doing but remain there as loyal support...we will fight on.
yesterday i promised mr nah something out of my wildest imaginations and i was blown over by his response. he is the freaking nicest teacher i've ever met....it would be worth studying for bio just to pay off his efforts.
