<3

bye bye!

i've moved to www.rainstarsky.wordpress.com.

still in the process of sprucing it up. (:

first cgm of the year is over! it was very heartening to see everyone gathered together to praise God once again. Hallelujah!

have been really excited for the offering msg this week cos it's the first time i put so much effort into internalising the message. it's been a good week as well cos i've finally accomplished my goal of doing qt first thing every morning for 5 days straight! hahaha. after the leading games thingy w daniel, i'm v v determined to carry the anointing and presence of God no matter what segment of cg i'm helping out in. and also in every single area of my life. (: after preaching the offering today, i feel like the effort has really paid off. praise God for the breakthrough! (:

okays, ending here cos got tuition early tmr. nights (:

i got the elective i wanted--astro! (: God is good (: but even if i didn't--God is STILL good! without a doubt! (:

wondering whether to overload for this sem. currently, i only have 5 mods, of which one is non-examinable, so technically, i only have 4 papers to sit for. very tempting to take on one more elective and stretch a lilll bit more...*tsk*

anyways, last sem was very happy cos i managed to get my 7hrs of sleep daily plus life outside of studies. it was kinda a 'test' for me--although it was very tempting to succumb to memorising my notes flat out and mugging into the night, i really wanted to believe God that i would be able to get a good grade while simultaneously taking care of my body and actually understanding what i was studying. at the same time, 'testing' to see how much other stuff --cg, ministry (though i didnt actually do much last sem)--i could juggle at the same time. that step of faith really paid off. i feel very encouraged and bolder to take on more tasks and responsibilities this sem (:

just can't stop thinking about this one phrase...God is GOOD!!!!!!

handling games at quad uni was an awesome feeling. though i did absolutely nothing, the stuff that daniel shared with me in those few short minutes blew my mind away. to carry the anointing when leading games...to share the joy of the Lord during the session...to use games as a means of preparing the people's hearts for praise and worship...WOW. i'll never look at, or handle, games the same way again.

had a very good time fellowshipping w rui yest. she shared some stuff with me that really made me think, visualise, and pray. deep down, i know my reasons for not wanting to leave are not valid. it's like pastor said--i like my tent. it's comfy, it's sth i feel called to, and no doubt i'd be willing to lay my life down for it. but to walk down a different path...a path which i have absolutely zero passion for? it's like dance all over again. would i be willing to lay down what i want in exchange for what God wants? this time, there is so much more at stake.

deep down, i already know my answer. now, i just need the go-ahead and the wisdom to carry it through...

results came out. i'm ever so grateful to God...and ever so thankful for the peeps that steered me down the right road. (:

only by the grace of God

woohoo, i just received another tuition offer (:

had a talk with victor last week about expanding my capacity and expanding the sizes of my classes. yet even as the harvest comes in, i think i need to be wiser in the way i manage finances. i dont have a problem with saving or spending, but i have a big big problem with negotiating monetary issues w other ppl. aways been kinda scared of it cos if handled wrongly, it can really ruin a relationship. but to have it affect me so badly that i shy away from negotiating my salary or collecting money for group presents is like -.- okays, must make a resolution this year to be more confident in this area. i MUST be a good steward!

sam just told me an awesome piece of news last night: he's finally teaching bs! (: whoo, so proud of and happy for him man! finally entering his calling of being a TEACHER (: i wanted to post everyone's breakthroughs up here but i decided it might not be the wisest decision haha. cos some of us are still in the process of sorting things out, so better not count the chickens before they're hatched. not that i doubt the visions--but it'd be more exciting to look back on the races after everyone's standing at the end point tgt.

(then again, there's never really an end point for our walk, is there? maybe a better phrase would be after everybody's entered into the visions we had in sot tgt (: )

anw, i was thinking about how God has blessed my family this past year and i'm really very awed at all the milestones that have been accomplished. my parents used to be very anti-christian, but now, they're quite chillax with church stuff and all. my dad was the most angsty one, but amazingly, he was the one that gave me the go-ahead for sot and also the relatively chill one about building fund. my mom sponsored me ~$400 for my mission trip, and she never fails to separates all the idol-worshipped/non-idol-worshipped food for me at home (and the coolest part is, i didn't even request for it. i just told her, 'mom, it'd be better if i didnt eat that' and amazingly, not only did she not object, but she went to separate all the stuff for me :D) plus, she allowed me to join the campus peeps for the new year countdown sleepover; and i really thank God for the moments when she'll 'casually' tell me, 'eh, rmb to pray for me ah.' (note to self: PLS LEARN TO PRAY IN MANDARIN). bro has become alot more relatable to and a more filial and responsible person as well; not to mention, he was the first person that i reached out to in my family.

so all in all, PRAISE GOD for an awesome year with my family! and looking forward to more to come (:

emily just told me that she thinks registering for mods is more stressful for exams ): sighh, i kinda think she's right.

today morn was fun! went macritche+brunch+koi w the campus peeps (: though we didnt really hike much HAHA. anw im quite siann-ed now cos i registered 2 cores at the wrong timing--one's too early and the other one clashes w my accountancy elec ): okay, it's not really cos wrong timing, but rather i chose those timings to fit other elecs which i later decided not to take. rawrs.

i blog alot more ramblings when it's hols and i'm bored. hmms.

so glad that the blindness period has lifted! phew (: can feel the sound mind sound judgement returning. FOCUS!

2010 has taught me the value of relationships (: of loving and appreciating the people around me a whole lot more. the 2 most impt things i learnt: 1) unconditional acceptance, and 2) to believe in others. i learnt that loving people is a choice, and that if my love and acceptance isn't unconditional...well, that's not love. that's 'friendship' with strings attached. but true love is a decision to stick with your buddy through thick and thin, to put a smile on your face even when it's alr been a bad day and the other person is still grating on your nerves. to put your own needs aside, surrender your 'rights' and grow your heart capacity larger than the situation at hand...

and secondly...i learnt the importance of believing in others. before 2010, i didnt fully understand what it means by 'praise should be extravagant.' but i met a friend who is all that and more. somebody who showers me with gratitude for the smallest of tasks accomplished, and encouragement + prayers for seemingly tiny areas of my life. when a person falls short of your expectations, it's very natural--and completely justifiable-- to say 'its alright, i still believe in you' but hesitate to let the person shoulder responsibility once more. but i met a person who not only gave me the grace to forgive and forget my mistakes, but (at my most undeserving) gave me chance after chance to redeem myself until i finally broke through into my vision. and it was this determination not to forego the other person's trust that gave me the fighting spirit and motivation to do better and stand up again.

right now, i'm skating on thin ice. there are areas in my life which mean so much to me; yet it feels like i've erred so badly in them that i'm now grasping at thin air. it frustrates me more than i can say to want to do so much but yet zoom around in circles. but deep in my heart, i know that my God who has given me the vision will also give me the provision. Lord, this is my prayer for 2011. just one more chance...

new week, new start (:

past week was very nua! alot of slacking at home/ catching up w frens. (sarah will kill me if she sees this. cos 'practising guitar' isn't listed :P) highlight was undoubtedly the dinner w bert and mars! POWERFUL, just one session of discussing life, dreams, and visions; and i feel so recharged and ready to go (: haha and i accompanied adel for studying on thurs. brought my macbook along and it miraculously revived its internet connection! *happy* (:

i think my goals for this year are quite simple. returning to foundational work; they just require a good amount of hard work, determination...and praying (: haha. trusting in God that this year, i'll have the focus to see all my goals through. and feeling very heartened at the thought of running the race w the sot peeps and other close friends! hopefully, we can meet up regularly to keep each other on track and accountable for our goals.

when the mental battle's won, half the victory's already yours.

Suddenly I rmb what zek said in Can A so long long long ago and it's like....o.O WHOA that must have been one heck of a prophecy!

I had a v blessed talk w some of the campus peeps in the wee hours of the morning (: Esther Zhitai Celiana Isaac Jeffrey Ivan. Didn't quite realize just how much I learnt from it until a while ago when I was mediating over some of the points touched. It was truly another kairos moment of fellowship and one which i'm very humbled by and grateful for.

2011 shall be our best year yet (:

I guess it's at the times when you're most down that you learn to stand up and fight.

Honestly, I am sick of this dilly-dallying back and forth. Playing ultimate ninja the other day was a huge reminder to me that I can only emerge a winner if I choose to face my problems head on and stop trying to evade them. Devil, I REFUSE to play mind games with you. And I am so totally sick and tired of falling short every time because I (whether unwittingly or not) put too much faith in man rather than God. You want to fight? Sure, I'll thrash it out with you. Just that this time, I'm making absolutely sure I put on the full armor of God. This time, you are not gonna win.

I like what Lisa said: 'submitting to A leader is not the same as submitting to YOUR leader.'

I guess alot of times, we don't get to choose the leaders whom God assigns as overseers of our lives. But each and every time, we get to choose whether or not we wanna submit. whether it's a 'flow' or 'he's younger than me' or 'but he's my friend leh' problem, Peter said to submit not only to the gentle leaders but also to the harsh...and its also said in Isaiah that the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land. Not just the obedient, but the WILLING and obedient. Ultimately... God looks at the heart. (:

Went shopping w Adel today and bought 2 gorgeous dresses!! (: (: (:

Haha. I don't usually post this kinda stuff. But these 2 purchases really made me very happy cos they were the perfect ending to an awesome day of fellowship. I don't usually like to go shopping either. But boy am I glad I went today! (:

Feels like I'm out of my depth.

But, I WILL gain my footing.

Devil. GET LOST.

The best presents are always those given outta love and not obligation.

Each year on my bdae, I make a wish to God. And by the same time the following year, it'll always have come true...because Daddy God loves me so much. This year, on His bdae, I wanna give Him a gift too. I wanna make a commitment to step out of my comfort zone and grow into the person God has called me to be. The smokescreens and whatnot were fun, and at a point in time, even necessary. But now I know without a doubt that that season is over, and it's time for me to move on. Because I love Him, I will. And because He loves me back even more so, I know He'll give me every bit of strength I need to walk through this w Him. Hand in hand; together.

I am so amazed by and so proud of my brother. For all the years of animosity we've had, it has been a real joy hanging out with him these past couple of weeks and discovering (aft 19 long years) that relating to him is really no more difficult than relating to any other guy friend of mine. And the past few months of events have shown me that...bro. You really do care, don't you? Young you might appear, raw you might be...but there's no doubt you're gonna make a majorly fine gentleman someday (:

Had a v short but blessed time of companionship w my bros and cousin. Ansel and I were re-discussing "girl's intuition": how girls always seem to know when there're problems brewing in friendships. Actually, I think it's not so much of a "sixth sense" thing, but what we learnt in cg: we're spirit beings, hence, there is always a spirit-to-spirit connection. Maybe girls just appear to have it more strongly? After all, we were called to be the ones to love, to guide, to nurture...somethings, it's a real blessing, cos the first step to overcoming a problem is always recognizing the existence of one in the first place. But discerning that a prob exists is just the easy part...the really hard part comes in deciding what to do next. Silence doesn't always heal. More often than not, it kills. Gives the devil so much more room to work when doubts are left uncleared and misunderstandings remain festering. Poison tree. Silent pride. Someone once said that resentment is like drinking poison yourself while hoping that the other person dies. Scary isn't it? Lord, if ever I find myself in such a situation...please help me with the courage and motivation to speak up and not sweep everything under the carpet.

knowing that a passion for God is not the same as a love for God

today's my last paper...i smell FREEDOM!! (: (: end the race well xinhui...

adel just texted and invited me to play guit for carolling! that's like WHOA :D haha incentive for me to ace my paper then chiong home and prac!

anw, exams always remind me to be ready in and out of season. it seems like opportunities always appear when we're alr stretched to breaking point. and if we're not ready at that split moment when God calls...blink. you never know when that opp will return to you...if it ever does. which is a huge motivation for me to always be on task and get things done ahead of time! (:

yest's sermon was really good (:

self-control.

15 days to make a dream come true (:

i've re-watched the Make It or Break It episodes so many times and yet i never get tired of it. it's so motivating; inspiring; refreshing. to be able to fight for your dreams and keep such strong faith against all odds...those girls are really something.

i was watching payson's comeback episode just now, and it touched me so much that i teared. how long has it been since i last shone for God the way payson shone for her coach, her friends, her team, her family? when was it that i lost my drive to push myself to the next level? that i decided its okay to settle for second best in my studies, my life, the relationships i have with the people around me? the last time that i really fought for sth i believed in and sth i wanted so badly...it seems so long ago now that i can't even rmb.

i wanna do well again. Lord, grant me the strength to fight, the courage to believe, the grace to love...

Not my will but Your be done (:

Trusting Daddy God in a whole lot of things now. Tmr's my first day of exams. Excited for God's grace to overflow into my life! (:

back from my first ever s1 service and i felt so refreshed and impacted by the worship and Word. Indeed, Your fire guides by night... (:

studying has not been easy because this study method is now really foreign to me. it's been 7 yrs since i last stepped into the exam hall confident that i knew the subject and intentionally not memorising my notes word for word...and at the same time i'm nervous thinking it might just be laziness on my part and not just an act of faith. but today's worship really reminded me to just do my best and leave the rest up to God (:

on a happier note, it's been really cool being able to study w the campus peeps 24/7 (: was scanning through the book on 5 love languages and it's very cool haha. mine's predominantly quality time so it makes me really really happy to have my friends around me(: even if we're just mugging and not saying a word...their presence still means a whole lot to me (:

3 more days to exams ):

Motivation, please return to me asap!

Very confusing day and alot of thoughts are raging through my mind.

Thanking God for a painful lesson learnt last week that taught me the danger of meddling with cheap grace. Extremely painful reminder, but one which I needed badly. Today, that memory stopped me from willfully pressing on with sth that could have garnered much more severe results.

Unable to find words to describe the joy I felt when I saw my Sot friends again. Shawn Timothy Alicia Bryan Hanxian Kendrick. Haha, Sot ministry friends count as Sot friends. So extremely grateful for those that rushed down despite having to work and last-minute notice.

Fear of man threatening to overwhelm me when I least expect it. Old fears, old insecurities. Lord, help me rmb that I'm Your child and that Your grace is sufficient for me. That all things work out for the good of those who love You, that you have plans to give me a future and a hope.

Scary to see my friends growing up so fast. I know it's inevitable and that I gotta do so too.

Wondering if those five words will ever come to pass, and at this point in time, not really caring anymore.

Learning to navigate the stings of broken promises. I need to find a balance between overcoming the hurt and not becoming numb.

Gotta expand capacity.

Wondering what tmr will bring.

First time in 6 yrs that I'm deliberately not photographic-memorizing my notes for exams. Lord, I chose econs so I could learn to be smart. To do well for exams without regurgitating notes...Lord, help me to keep that faith. And that it would be out of a sincere desire to learn to be smart and not out of laziness.

Love more.

Think less (:

<3

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Friday, January 14, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Monday, January 10, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

About Me

Links

Previous Posts

Archives