<3

I like Friday nights going home alone after cg (: initially it felt kinda weird not having mark and jinyi around like they've always been for the past year or so. But gradually I grew to appreciate this as a time where I can really reflect on my week. Plug in my iPod and have a good one hour just soaking in God's presence. Thinking abt cg, studies, campus ministry, friends, family...receiving wisdom on what to do next...texting and calling ppl to fellowship (: on nights like these, Daddy God's never felt any closer <3

posted by xin! @ 12:14 PM 0 Comments

Friday is my first big exam for ntu and I'm getting the jitters. I don't wanna return to being the mugger I was in st nicks but neither do I wanna shy away from reality like in hwach. Focus and balance is what I need...

On a happier note, it's been 3 days since we started our campus week of prayer! It's been a huge blessing...really happy to be able to spend the first hours of the morning saturated in God's presence. Plus grateful for all the ppl who made such great effort to come...it's really the fellowship that draws down the presence of God so strongly <3 Two days more, hope the meeting size goes from increase to increase (: excited for tmr's!

posted by xin! @ 8:08 PM 0 Comments

my fb status currently says: 'at lwn with Yang Lin Koh and Jiayu Chiam now! and gonna try to catch Adeline Oh later (: tonight WILL end well!'

i'm grateful for girlfriends whom i can hang out and share my life with (: no matter what...the bond between sisters will always be something really special and cherished (:

it's only tuesday, but this week hasn't been good. it feels like i'm falling back into old flaws and giving in to them instead of fighting to break through. Pastor Phil's message on sun was really impactful to me, and it was also the first time since sot ended that i've felt so moved during s3 worship. i guess alot of things were running through my head that day...remembering all the visions and dreams that i'd let go off. pondering again on why God asked me to do the things He did...and agreeing to stop running away; take a step of faith. but just like what Pastor said, every time we're closest to the breakthrough, that's when the devil will attack us the hardest. and this entire week ... it just feels like i'm being battered with emotions i never expected to feel; insecurities i thought i'd long dealt with. anger over details that shouldn't be bothering me; bitterness and fury over stuff from years ago. yet i know that if i don't learn to leave this emotional baggage behind...to let go and let God...i'll never be able to move on. Cal once said that many people wonder why they go through the same trials over and over again, and the reason's simple. it's cos if we don't pass the test, God's just gonna let us take multiple re-tests until we pass. haha...i dont wanna re-test! i wanna pass it this time round. once and for all.

Lord, not with my strength but Yours. Right now, it's so hard for me to understand Your hands in this...but i'm gonna trust Your heart. (:

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For My thoughts are not Your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts."

posted by xin! @ 6:39 PM 0 Comments

had a really good lunch w xiangyou yest over which he asked me why i chose to come ntu econs. and even as i began to list out the reasons for him, i began to be reminded of how good God is all the time...i think the explanation of how God withholds the things we want from us in order to give us the things we need is really reflective of my life (: hee so i'm gonna stop bemoaning why i took the electives i did and just concentrate on working hard. God isn't limited by our skills or abilities! (:

Isaiah 65:24 It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will answer...

posted by xin! @ 10:58 AM 0 Comments

there was a time in hwachong that twin and i just didn't wanna continue prayer group anymore. then daniel came up to us and asked when the next prayer meeting would be...and at that instant, we decided it'd be worthwhile to continue if even just one member would benefit from it. Lord, help me to remember that willingness and apply it once more...

posted by xin! @ 9:15 AM 0 Comments

i love the campus ministry a lot...and even more so for nights like this (:

posted by xin! @ 12:32 AM 0 Comments

i just finished re-reading Boy Meets Girl a few nights ago, and there's this part where the pastor told the guy, 'I think you desire marriage so much that it's become a mini god to you.' And just last night, i was drifting off to sleep when this thought flashed across my mind: 'don't let your studies become your god....'

haha, i was kinda confused. cos it's not like studying eats much into my quiet time (though admittedly, sometimes it makes me so sian that i dont feel like praying.) then i began to realise that it's far deeper than that. during exams, we tend to study so hard, lose so many hours of sleep and neglect our diets to the extent that we fall horribly ill. and worse, we start to neglect our relationships with those around us. but what does the Bible say? 'Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.' 'We who had sweet fellowship together walked in the house of God.' it really made me understand that more than just quiet time alone, if we shortchange God in these 2 areas, we've alr let our studies replace God's position as Lord of our lives...

haha. i'm gonna make it a personal goal not to be shortchanged in this area this sem (:

posted by xin! @ 9:29 PM 0 Comments

feeling very disturbed in my spirit.

been mediating quite abit on Corinthians lately...i feel that God's been telling me that i gotta love people more. and even as i try to do so, i'm just really saddened by the unloving acts which i see from people around me. and it hurts a whole lot more when i see them coming from people whom i love as friends...

sometimes...i just wonder. is there really any need for us to go outta our way to make the lives of others miserable? sure, we might think that others don't notice the little smirks you exchange or the stage whispers which you don't bother to hide. but hey, they're humans too. just cos they might have a different race...religion...or just a different personality together...doesn't make them aliens. just cos they don't express it, doesn't mean they didn't notice it. and just cos they're different, doesn't give us the right to lord it over them.

we might think it's nothing, but it's bullying. it's that plain, and it's that simple. whether or not we try to pass it off as jokes, passing remarks, or even plain old sacarsm. the Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. instead of sowing confusion, fear and hatred, why can't we learn to sow love, respect and compassion? why can't we learn to build others up instead of tearing them down?

i'm not perfect, and i know that only too well. i still rmb hwachong days when i didn't yet know God, and i blatantly assumed that since people had been mean to me before, hey, i could be mean to others too. and in my spitefulness and screwed thinking i'd even go outta my way to tear down others i didnt like, thinking it'd be better to make them fall before they made me fall. and to those people i hurt so much, i'm really, really sorry. cos i see now that it was my own fear and insecurity, rather than the perceived 'flaws' that i 'saw' in others, that resulted in my selfish actions. so i just hope that if you guys ever see this, you'll be able to forgive me. and for those whom might be hurting others and causing them pain--whether you mean to or not--please stop. don't walk down the same road i did. cos not every relationship can be repaired, and not every action can be forgotten. the world's small...you never know when you might have to work with the hand you choose to bite today.

praying for you guys. hope this post impacts and blesses somebody today..

posted by xin! @ 12:41 AM 0 Comments

winnie and i had an impromptu prayer meeting today! hehe (: i decided to bring kai along to victor's house cos i wanted to spend some time worshippping after tuition and studies (somehow the presence of God is just super strong in that little study room on the right. i can never quite get the same feeling anywhere else that i do when i worship there..). then on a whim, i just asked winnie if she wanted to pray tgt for the cg...and it was so awesome!! presence of God was WHAM. i can't wait to do it again (:

p.s. on a funnier note, yani came in while we were praying halfway and left the door open. so when winnie opened her eyes, she got the shock of her life thinking we prayed so fervently that the door burst open! hahahaha, funny ttm la...but one day, i really hope we can pray so strongly that the entire room does get shaken! :D

posted by xin! @ 10:40 PM 0 Comments

another mighty move of God (: was very touched by what my friend shared today...thanks dear (:

i need to focus on learning to worship God with my guitar again. i've been abandoning kai for far too long...hey partner, time to get back to work (:

posted by xin! @ 12:33 AM 0 Comments

been feeling kinda uneasy this past few days. it's weird, because the past week was very smooth-sailing and i felt very lifted up in the spirit. was feeling kinda puzzled about the buoyancy until a couple of friends called/wrote to say they've been praying for me, so that's probably why. thanks guys...appreciate it lots (: but now there's just this nagging unease that i can't seem to shake. even when i was praying and playing guit just now, the flow seems blocked somehow. sigh...i need to press through.

anw, i feel led to bring my guitar to school today (: don't really understand why cos i'm not playing for PM later. then again, there're so many things i don't understand...and every time, it's precisely cos of my weakness that i see God's strength moving on my behalf (: haha, even if i don't realise it initially. so yups, i'm just gonna bring kairos w me and see what happens. (:

posted by xin! @ 10:11 AM 0 Comments