<3

so glad that the blindness period has lifted! phew (: can feel the sound mind sound judgement returning. FOCUS!

2010 has taught me the value of relationships (: of loving and appreciating the people around me a whole lot more. the 2 most impt things i learnt: 1) unconditional acceptance, and 2) to believe in others. i learnt that loving people is a choice, and that if my love and acceptance isn't unconditional...well, that's not love. that's 'friendship' with strings attached. but true love is a decision to stick with your buddy through thick and thin, to put a smile on your face even when it's alr been a bad day and the other person is still grating on your nerves. to put your own needs aside, surrender your 'rights' and grow your heart capacity larger than the situation at hand...

and secondly...i learnt the importance of believing in others. before 2010, i didnt fully understand what it means by 'praise should be extravagant.' but i met a friend who is all that and more. somebody who showers me with gratitude for the smallest of tasks accomplished, and encouragement + prayers for seemingly tiny areas of my life. when a person falls short of your expectations, it's very natural--and completely justifiable-- to say 'its alright, i still believe in you' but hesitate to let the person shoulder responsibility once more. but i met a person who not only gave me the grace to forgive and forget my mistakes, but (at my most undeserving) gave me chance after chance to redeem myself until i finally broke through into my vision. and it was this determination not to forego the other person's trust that gave me the fighting spirit and motivation to do better and stand up again.

right now, i'm skating on thin ice. there are areas in my life which mean so much to me; yet it feels like i've erred so badly in them that i'm now grasping at thin air. it frustrates me more than i can say to want to do so much but yet zoom around in circles. but deep in my heart, i know that my God who has given me the vision will also give me the provision. Lord, this is my prayer for 2011. just one more chance...

posted by xin! @ 11:54 PM