i was regretting every step by the time i walked down to the pontoon with debbie, pucca had to help me lug my boat down and the minute i got in i knew it was a big mistake. every stroke felt so damn clumsy; canoeing without twisting is seriously screwed. without the kick-twist-use-full-body-weight thingy i employ i was a complete snail compared to everyone else. my right side feels so freaking crippled, i cant grip the paddle properly and my leg is numb; not being able to kick and twist on one side means my other side is as good as dead as well. so i tried to just sit straight and spam arm power without rotation, well yes the boat does move faster but you also spin around like some mad corksrew destined for capsizing without the k-t anchorage to hold you down. i'm no dumbass, i knew capsizing in this condition means i'd never be able to swim/ climb back on pontoon so i continued wafting around feeling an utter embarassment to be wearing hc colours and in the end...i just gave up. it was a choice between kick twist burst go fast woohoo pain aggravate injury or go slow go careful still pain anyway be a total loser. how's that for good odds.
i was biting my lip eating tears all the way when fiona kept shouting at me, 'can you be more agressive magnify your actions go all out' and i really wanted to shout back, 'don't you think i know this is screwed don't you think i want to be able to pia too.'
i think the only thing that comforted me today was when simin came up afterwards and asked, 'what happened with fiona? i can't believe she said you weren't agressive of all things.'
my post sounds quite devoid of emotion, amazingly enough i don't feel sad. fiona told me, 'you gotta face facts. everyone tries but some people just never make it to the end.'
posted by xin! @ 3:52 PM
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