<3

i dont know how i can be so rational in the midst of all this you know? still typing coherently and all. i feel like a jerk. when you get the news that you've lost something you love, your first response is supposed to be hurt, loss, pain, fear, right? so how come i felt relief mixed in with everything else? how come for one selfish minute i actually felt like i might have one less burden to worry about on top of all the chaos? and how come after all the initial shock and tears and all, right now i'm just numb and staring at the screen and not feeling anything? yea i thought after what happened to Lucky, i'd be immune to feelings and stuff already. i thought being high all the time could keep all the hurt and pain away. but i never thought that one day, i'd actually reach this stage of extreme....feeling-less. for lack of a better word. emotionless. heartless? it's like. six years ago i'd cry over every new little incident that came up. but now, i just dont feel anything at all.

posted by xin! @ 10:00 PM